0. Terror attack happens
1. Do Kadi Ninda press conference in Delhi wearing Dhoti (Kalaf waali). Pakistani generals and terrorists start pissing in pants.
2. Declare that India is safe from enemies and its borders are protected (as if attack happened in China). If it reminds you of Angrezon ke jamaane ke Jailor in Sholay who used to shout – ‘Hamari marzi ke bina yahan parinda bhi par nahi maarsakta’ exactly at the time when a Parinda slaps him in the face, stop watching Sholay.
3. Start chanting that culprits of this attack will not go unpunished. Meanwhile Dawood of 93 blasts, Masood Azhar of Parliament attack, Hafiz Saeed of 26/11 Mumbai are laughing their a$$es off. Above all, forget that Pakistan state that is mother to all these piglets has not been punished since 1971 (dont remind me 1999 Kargil, we did not punish them then, we just reclaimed our territory and buried their dead with respect ).
4. Lets isolate Pakistan in international community. This is Brahmastra. Threaten to disrobe a naked or cease bank accounts of a beggar. This is called diplomacy.
5. Keep reminding people that it is not Maun Mohan Singh’s time. Pakistan is dealing with a different India. If someone tells you that coward Maun Mohan never visited Pakistan in 10 years while Hallendra Ji visited Pakistan in 2nd year itself, tell him that war is not an option (as 17000 soldiers will be killed in it against 17 only) without realizing that nobody is talking of war! (If you are offended by ‘Hallendra’, know that I was offended by Maun Mohan).
6. If someone asks you where is revenge, tell him that war is not an option and running country is different from running an FB page.
7. Start thumping your chest saying- look look, Pakistan is frustrated. That means we did something big in Balochistan. If someone tells you that Pakistan did it for 100th time, 99 of which were done before Hallendra Ji’s Balochistan rant, call him a Khangressi agent and Italian Bar Dancer’s illegitimate son.
8. Start telling people that the martyrs have been avenged in Raat ke andhere. Because Indian James Bond doesn’t do things overtly. His attack is so covert that even enemy fails to find out where the attack happened.
9. Teach diplomacy to anyone who is asking for aggressive response. Tell him he should have faith in Modi Ji because he is not corrupt. Amit Shah Ji because he is incarnation of Chanakya. And Doval Ji because he is Indian James Bond.
10. Wait till another attack, go back to zero and repeat 1-10 until this country of Maharana Pratap turns into a graveyard of Gandhian cowards and is taken over by Jihadis.
From a bleeding heart who loves motherland more than Prophets, Maun Mohans, Modis, Chanakyas and James Bonds.
– Vashi Sharma