I genuinely want to convert to Islam. I want to be a true Muslim. But…
Finally, I bow down to the glory of Islam. I represent a variety of people who want to embrace Islam for equally varied reasons. I have a love for Allah and want to do something meaningful in life as per Allah’s directions and reach Heaven. So I want to be a true Muslim.
I have decided that there is only one Allah and Muhammad is his final Rasul and Quran is his final word. But still there remains a lot of confusion. I need help. I want Muhammad to come again and help me become a Muslim. Because when I analyze deeply,
I find that it is technically impossible for me to become a true Muslim. I may convert to a particular sect and claim to be a Muslim, but still, I do not know if I am being a true Muslim or a fake Muslim. And in case I am fake, I am doomed forever in an even more burning Hell! Its a desperate situation. Remember, this is my only life and hence my only chance to make a right or wrong decision!
Here are my confusions:
1. Which mosque should I go into to become a Muslim? Qadiyanis say that they are true Muslims. Wahabis say they are true Muslims. Shias say they are true Muslims. All in all there are more than a 100 sects of Islam and all claim to be the only true sect. Most have their own mosques and consider that those who go to pray in other mosques is a Kafir – a sure entrant into Hell. Muslims themselves bomb the mosques of Qadiyanis because they belong to another sect. And Zakir Naik uses Qadiyani literature for his lectures but belongs to Wahabi. Its so confusing.
2. My parents and I have been going to Dargahs since childhood. But now Zakir Naik says that this is major Shirk. His wahabi gang has destroyed huge number of dargahs. So all Muslims going to dargah are doomed to Hell forever. But Ajmer Sharif managers say that those who condemn Dargahs will go to hell!
3. I do not even know which authentic Quran to believe in. So many different versions of Quran are floating. Shias claim that actual Quran had 17000 verses and this one is fake or incomplete. Others say Quran has 6666 verses or 6249 verses or 6336 verses. It seems so also because some Hadiths say that goat ate some ayats. Also Quran was compiled and named Quran 20 years after Muhammad’s death. And the Caliph who compiled it was murdered by Aisha’s (Muhammad’s beloved youngest wife with whom marriage was fixed by Allah) brother. Aisha and Ali both wanted to remove this Caliph and fought against him, as well as with each other. Finally both were murdered.
4. I want to know that in addition to the Sunni Quran, or Shia Quran, or Khoja Quran, or Qadiyani Quran…., which Ahadith do I need to believe to ensure my journey to paradise? I can believe only in one of them because only one of them is true and only truth has to be followed to be eligible for Heaven. Some Hadiths are claimed to be Sahih (true) but even they have conflicting confusing lessons. For example one that justifies murder of apostate and even children during war time.
5. I don’t know which one of more than seventy sects of Islam will alone go to heaven as mentioned by Muhammad. Should I go to Sunnis (which Sunni? There are many sub sects within this sect), or to Shias (again many sects), or to Khojas, or to Wahabis, or to Bohras, or to Qadiyanis……? Prayers offered in whose mosques of the above will land me in heaven?
6. Which prophet I need to believe in addition to Laasharik Allah in order to get secured from hell fire? Muhammad, or Ali, or Mirza Ghulam Ahmad Qadiyani, or, Aaga Khan? Many muslims claim that Quran was to be given to Ali originally, but it was revealed to Muhammad by chance! Mirza Ghulam Ahmad Qadiyani followed Muhammad in true respect as he also claimed himself to be the last prophet just like Muhammad. Whom should I consider final and why?
7. I don’t know Arabic like 99% Muslim of world. Unless I know Arabic, how can I understand any version of Quran. Unless I understand Quran, how can I believe in Quran? And if I believe in Quran without even knowing what it is, I am trying to cheat Allah and hence punishment for me is Hell.
8. Quran [43:3] says- “We have made it a Qur’an in Arabic, that ye may be able to understand”. This verse indicates that Allah sent down Quran for those, who understand Arabic. So, when Allah himself says that this book is for Arabs, why should I, being a non Arab, believe in it?
9. I am a woman. My husband follows a deviant sect of Islam or is a non-Muslim. How am I supposed to become Muslim? Because if I desert my husband, that is also recipe for Hell. And if I don’t, still I am to be in Hell because Allah accepts only one specific but unknown sect of Islam. Seems as if my destiny to Hell is already pre-decided by Allah! In any case, Prophet, as per Sahih Bukhari, has predicted that Hell would be full of mostly women and very women would go to Paradise!
10. Can I be a muslim if I don’t include the name of any person along with Allah in the prayers as I want to remember only Allah and no one else during that time? Will I go to Heaven if I say “la ilaha illah” (There is only one God) but I refuse to say “Muhammad Rasool U Allah” (Muhammad is his Prophet)?
11. Being a wahabi Muslim belonging to cult of Zakir Naik may spare me from wrath of Osama Bin Laden. But then other sects may kill me. If I be a Qadiyani, Sunnis may bomb me. If I follow Zakir, Deobandis and Barelvis may kill me. Islam means peace but its Muslims who fight Muslims in Muslim countries like Iran, Iraq and Pakistan. Its Muslims who killed the first few Caliphs and it were Ali and Aisha who were fighting against each other. It were Muslims who killed Hussain. So even after being a Muslim, where do I have peace? Any other sect may kill me because each sect has so many enemy sects.
12. Is believing in one of the various Qurans sufficient to be a Muslim? Or believing in Hadith just like Quran is essential as prescribed by Darul uloom Deoband? Why is not this Shirk in believing Ahadith (which are manmade) as necessarily as believing in Quran (book of Allah)? Which Hadiths are true? All sects have their own hadiths.
13. I am not told, why did Allah create me? It is told that I was created to worship Him. But I could not find answer to my question, why should I believe in a God, who wants us to praise Himself? Is He not free from all desires? Additionally, if all the people are created to worship Allah then why are not most of the people seen doing so? Is it not manufacturer’s failure if his product is not performing in accordance with his claims?
14. Nobody answered me about my pre decided fate, which has been written in Lohe Mehfooz by Allah, prior to my creation. What free will do I have, to want or to dislike something? If I am Kafir as per Allah’s will [Quran 2:7 and 32:13], why should I act against His will by becoming a Muslim? In fact how can I even try acting against his will?
15. I am told that I am being tested. But I asked many Moulvis that if almighty Allah has already decided my fate (all acts, happiness, and sorrow), which is equivalent to giving solutions to the problems and marks even before starting the test, how is it a test of mine? Is it not Allah’s test, whether His writing will be fulfilled or not? Or in other words, whether will His creature (I) act as per His wish? Please refer God must be crazy! article on this site.
16. I have to bow down to Kaba just like idolaters bow to their idols. Can I be a muslim if I refuse to bow down to Kaaba as I don’t believe in idol worship?
17. Can I be a muslim if I don’t believe polygamy, wife beating, sex slavery, loot, killing etc are lawful as word of God and consider all those verses of Quran false, which spread hatred and justify all ill doings towards non muslims, women, children, and animals?
18. I am desperate to know, what new, did Islam give to the world, which was not there before? No one ever presented any new knowledge from Quran that was not present already in earlier texts.
19. Hadith say that a man should wear such garments which do not hang beneath his ankle. Otherwise he will not be resurrected on the doomsday. Can one tell me why? It is also written that whoever does not dress like Muhammad, will be treated as Kafir. If this is the condition to get heaven, I don’t see any person other than few Madarsa bred Moulvis going to enjoy heaven! Even Zakir Naik will go to Hell due to his coat, pant and tie!
20. Can I be a muslim if I don’t believe in unscientific acts called miracles like splitting of moon, Jesus without father, Muhammad’s sky journey with a flying donkey, Moses talking to stones etc?
21. Can I be Muslim if I expose those, who, in the name of religion, have spread hatred by invading other lands, raping women, keeping sex slaves? Can I oppose those, who were so fond of lust that they married even 6 year old children?
22. Can I refuse to have circumcision but still be a Muslim? Can I refuse circumcision for my children? Many people claim that circumcision reduces chance of HIV infection. But neither I have uncontrolled sex and nor do I keep my organs unclean. So I do not have fear of contracting infections. But is circumcision necessary for being a Muslim? Why?
23. Can I become a Muslim but follow good practices like Yajna, meditation and Sandhya? Can I use good mantras from Vedas to meditate on God? Can I do Havan and meditation in mosque in name of Allah?
24. Can I do namaz in a temple or gurudwara or a church if I am a true Muslim? What if I don’t do namaz in conventional manner because there is no mention of namaz methodology in Quran?
25. Some scholars say that using internet is unislamic. Others say that using emoticons, or using social networking sites is unislamic. Can I be a true Muslim if I use internet or interact with non-Muslims on internet with love and compassion without having hidden hatred in my heart as per Tafseer-e-Jalayn?
26. Which verses of Quran are authentic? There are so many abrogated verses which were replaced by better verses. Why do we have these outdated verses in Quran then? All sects have a different list of abrogated verses. Which verses I need to believe as abrogated to achieve Paradise?
27. I do not have a beard. But many scholars say that those who do not keep beard shall go to Hell. What should I do?
28. I believe in One Allah. But I do not believe that Jesus ever existed or Jesus would come back. Because facts in front of me appear to conclude so. And I am not supposed to lie with my true feelings. Can I still be a true Muslim?
29. Quran and Hadiths have many things written. Now many of these do not appeal to me because I cannot find them reasonable. Different scholars interpret it differently. Now can I choose to reject whatever does not make sense to me, without being biased? In other words, should I choose between Quran and Truth? If Quran, which interpretation of Quran? Will Allah consider me to be a true Muslim if I opposed verses of Quran because I genuinely felt that they were wrong?
30. Christians say only Bible is true. Muslims say only Quran is true. Further each sect says their version alone is true. And my limited mind and logic says something else is true. Following which of these would get me to Allah? Because Allah also says that if I try to fool Allah by believing in Quran when I have no reason to believe in it firmly, then also Allah will put me in Hell as punishment for cheating (Makar).
In summary, the only way for me to be a true Muslim is to have mastery over Arabic and then be able to understand Quran myself, be able to choose which of the innumerable sects of Islam is actually true, have thorough analysis of all verses to ensure nothing I do is against Quran – including my dress, size and shape of beard, my every minute belief etc. Some say that Allah forgives minor mistakes if done unintentionally. By this logic, all non-Muslims who to best of their intentions consider Quran to be crap and propagate against it should also be forgiven. In that case, all those who try to convince people to believe in Quran without making them experts of Arabic first are also against will of Allah and hence Kafir.
These perplexing questions imply that even if one is born in a so-called Muslim family, or converts to Islam, it is highly unlikely that he or she is indeed a true Muslim. In all probability, it is technically impossible to know what is true Islam and hence it is equally impossible to be a true Muslim. An average human being has been given only ONE single life as per conventional concept of Quran. But he or she has innumerable paths – all intersecting and crossing each other – in front of him. Only one of them is the true path of Islam and none other than Allah possesses the ability to know which is true. So despite our best efforts, it is as more unlikely to choose the true path than the probability that you pick the right molecule of water from entire oceans of earth.
The only way that I can be a true Muslim is that Allah gives me more chances and keeps guiding me with hints until I choose the right path. And this should happen continuously even after this life and in future lives as well. This takes us to Vedic philosophy – that Ishwar helps us continuously till we reach salvation through cycle of several births and deaths.
Hence the only way to be a true Muslim is that the Vedic philosophy is true. My only chance to be a true Muslim, hence, is that I adopt the Vedas.