The conclusions of my analyses on Quran were most disheartening.
When I learnt that Prophet married his aunt who was much older to him, I was shocked. I was brought up with a mindset that every lady elder to me is equivalent to my mother. My history teacher told me that he did so because she was a widow and he wanted to give her support.
My immediate counter-question was – What do you do when you have to give support to your mother?
Obviously there were no answers and I am seeking them even till date.
There were several facts about Islam that I simply could not digest:
A Prophet is supposed to be a saint, why did he marry 9 times and kept so many concubines? Why did he marry a child when he was so old?
Why did the Prophet marry his own daughter-in-law? If it was because the son was adopted, then it means no female in world is safe with an uncle who is not in blood-relation!
Why does it refuse to treat a woman as mother? Why sex and child-production are the only practical purposes of a woman? Why does a Prophet instruct on how to distribute women as slaves after winning a war?
Why is there no concept of spiritualism and self-control in Islam in matters of sex, violence and food?
Why does Islam provide descriptions of a paradise full of nude women, young boys and wine? Is that the ultimate goal of life?
Why such great hatred for non-believers that even loot (Jaziya) and killing is allowed?
Quran was full of tremendous amount of self-contradictions and mockery of science.
I could not digest the story of an angel coming to Prophet and then Prophet getting gyan from Allah whenever he was in a tight or embarrassing spot.
You are not supposed to question the Prophet. That makes you a candidate for deadly Hell.
and so on…
The list is very long. To me, Quran seemed more of a book for brainwashing minds to organize them for a war. That may have served purpose in era of the Prophet when people were perhaps too dumb. Or who knows Prophet never wrote Quran. These dirty tales were concocted later and the noble character of a saintly person named Muhammad was assassinated by his followers through fake verses! That seemed very likely.
What be the case, I could find no relevance of Quran to my life and my question on purpose of life. I was more disappointed than ever. I was even nearer to death – the ultimate end of life – and still nowhere. I had another strong bout that made me almost blank for several days.
Please note that I am not condemning Quran or Islam in any manner. I am only discussing what made me convinced that Quran is at the opposite end to the direction that may solve my problem of life.
Bible was yet to be explored. But since Quran is an offshoot of the same branch, I knew it would be a mere academic exercise and not something that would give me the solutions I seek. It would only give promises of lollipops after death, and some unverifiable stories of miracle in past so that I believe in some set of superstitions in present! My future study of Bible only strengthened this belief.
One thing that emerged from my studies so far was that I started becoming very skeptic of any story of miracle or a superman defying laws of nature. The moment I would read about someone breaking moon with finger, or getting pregnant while maintaining virginity, I would be immediately put off:
- There was no way for me to verify these miraculous claims except the story itself.
- I never witnessed anything even remotely close or did not hear of anyone who witnessed it.
- If a superman can make such miracles, why did he restrict to such petty show of power and not do something more significant and worthwhile for world?
- When ten claimants of miracle fight with each other, how can I trust who is right and who is wrong.
- When the material contains pornography and boasts of sexual prowess!
I sensed that I was narrowing down to the path that can give me the solution I am seeking. Following were eliminated:
- All claimants of miracle who have no evidence or proof to back such claims.
- All those cults whose ideology has internal contradictions.
- All those who fight with each other. All cannot be right at the same time. Only one of them has to be true.
- All who lived a life of sensuousness and then claimed to have solution to life and death.
In summary, the Qurans and Bibles were out of contention. Even if these were true at some time in past, either they have been manipulated to beyond recognition or too difficult to grasp for me. It was always impossible for me to find deep spiritual meaning from vulgar literature. If truth is truth, it be better told straight than made so complex.
Let me mention that Purans represented a totally different case. They contained deep philosophical discourses as well as stories of pornography and superstitions. Then I read Bhavishya Puran. It talked about Prophet Muhammad and Queen Victoria among others! I quickly realized that Purans are not authentic literature. For sure they have been manipulated in last 1000 years of our slavery and misrule. So Purans may be referred in parts but cannot provide me the solution I seek. I reemphasized my belief in Hinduism, but rejecting the objectionable portions of Purans.
The only option remained were philosophical texts of East – Buddhism, Jainism, Upanishads, Vedas etc – which required much deeper analysis.
My disillusionment with Quran and Bible had made me a ‘fanatic’ Hindu in eyes of communist government of Bengal. I was an active member of RSS at such young age and had to go underground in 1992 when Babri Masjid was destroyed. I remember distributing sweets when a monument of brutality erected by a rapist was finally destroyed by bravehearts.
Time flew fast. It was 1995 and I got chance to enter my dream – an IIT. A new era began in my life!
Note: Quran in this article refers Hindi and English translations and not the Arabic original which author has not studied. Islam refers to religion based on these translations. Prophet refers to person whose stories are written in these translations. Author makes no comment whatsoever on the original Quran, original Prophet and original Islam because he has no access to them.